Anxiety looms. Threats of forgetting, forgetting where we are………… right this moment.

Tomorrow………….. When it goes away, we’ll be there then, and no longer here.

Pittering, pattering Aidan feet, falling over each other yet somehow successful. The funny little noises he makes that he is CERTAIN make perfect sense. He’s a whole person now….It blows my mind.

Clay’s hands. What can I even say about them…..?

You aren’t here with me right now and I can’t find the words to describe them…..

So does that mean I’m already forgetting? Still just to say the words “your hands” in my mind right now…..that rubbing alcohol scent burning through my nose, that “just before I cry” thing is happening.

Your hands……..

Mazzy Boo…….she’s been with me for EVERYTHING that matters to me! A very patient dog this one…..

Waiting quietly throughout the day, watching me chase after “the little human”.

I know she has to pee……she keeps looking at me. She’s such a youthful dog……I glance at her, telepathically explaining my “excuses” as to why we won’t be going outside, “quite” yet.

I DO love our little treehouse MOST of the time…… our first time living “on our own” together. We’re both still growing up and out of our heads in SO many ways…

Those stairs though……….goodness gracious……I’m pretty sure 2 years ago my right knee worked MUCH better than it does now. And was that popping noise always there? Cur’sed stairs….

SO MUCH CHANGE in just 4 short years!

Funny how I fought change FOR SO LONG in honor of fleeting moments for the sake of mere entertainment. 15 WHOLE YEARS, came to an end and I was in the same………..exact…………..place. Unreal…..

Aidan’s smile……will that ever go away? It’s the best thing……..

I’m also pretty sure he grew about 2 inches overnight………didn’t he? Maybe his pants just shrunk…

I only hope “we 3” can continue” learning” about each other with an exhilaration! Minus the many frustrations said “learning” often achieves…..

I love my little family………….

Please don’t let me forget this……….

This “stuff”…………. Struggles AND triumphs…… It’s what life is meant for…….

If only I could record every second of it somehow, feelings and all.

If only my eyes were a camera……..

How is it possible that even our feelings can fade?

It just doesn’t seem fair…

I’m soaking it all in right now……….

Like a warm bread pudding…..